I was at my office Saturday for a few hours of focused work. Summer weekends find the office building, with it’s power saving partially lit hallways, in relative peace. Customarily no support staff work on weekends. There’s an open second floor library with a lone librarian, and one lobby/desk security person. I came across only a random analyst, activist, and attorney. One of these weekend warriors mistook me for the person who retrieves information from the library and copies it for him. I wasn’t sure what those people were called, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t “cooper”, and I told him so.
Having been informed of his mistake, the offender admitted to having had doubts, especially upon noticing I was wearing Yoga pants, something he “doubted support staff would dare do, even on a weekend”. He babbled trivialities. I contemplated how creepy/odd it was that he knew what I was wearing were “Yoga” pants, and that he had looked close enough, in such a dimly lit corridor, to ascertain that to be the case.
Some time later, while diligently reviewing research for regional environmental initiatives, there was a knock on my office door. It was the I know you are wearing Yoga pants guy. Appearing relatively innocuous, he presented me with my favorite Café con leche, then quickly departed. The apparent innocence of the act notwithstanding, an inauspicious ambiance entered with him, and lingered momentarily upon his exit.
As Poe is my witness, this man had brought me my signature drink from a small Cuban cafe close to my residence, a cafe I patronize with distinct regularity. This cafe is a significant distance from our office — by beverage acquiring standards anyway. It’s unlikely that someone without previous stalking tenancies toward me would be likely to know I favored the refreshment or the establishment. It bothered me that this stranger (and believe me, I’ve never noticed this khaki clad cross between Chad Lowe and Tucker Carlson before), would bring me a drink I loved, from a place I frequent; far worse, that he did this on a Saturday in a predominantly empty office building. This was far too Play Misty For Me, for me.
My work day was shot. I couldn’t concentrate. I had to get out of the building. Coincidentally, this man left at the same time.
I don’t know why I’m telling you this. This irrational paranoia is likely the result of my preadolescence foray into Lovecraft, King, Jackson and Bradbury. Some had warned against taking that path prematurely, but as they say “Time is the school in which we learn, time is the fire in which we burn”[1].
On a related but somewhat lighter note:
During polite dinner conversation Every Breath You Take is often designated the number one stalker song of all time. We all have our secret favorites though. In contention for me is Run For Your Life, an old Beatles tune sent to me repeatedly by a loose canon of a boyfriend after we went our separate ways.
In the end it’s about connotations. Anyone who recalls the late, great, Dennis Hopper’s character in Blue Velvet, and the “candy colored clown” scene, with Dean Stockwell as the theatrically inclined, “In Dreams” crooning Ben (replete with vile predilections), will have a strong stalker association when hearing Roy Orbison’s In Dreams.
What’s your favorite stalker song?
[1] Delmore Shwartz, Calmly We Walk Through This April’s Day
Well, since he’s surely reading this blog, let me say to Khaki man, welcome to the Cooper fan club but we’re self-policing ladies and gentlemen here and, in the future, even caffeinated contact should be clearly consensual.
I think my favorite stalker song might be He Stopped Loving Her Today by George Jones.
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This blog is kept away from work and such so it’ be unlikely he’d know about it.
As some have already pointed out, unrequited love songs always seem to sound stalkerish, though I like to think of them differently.
That is a pretty great song though. The quintessential “country song”.
Darlin’, if he knows your drink he likely knows your blog. By the way, I don’t mind about toothpastes and all but fennel?
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I think you are ripe for stalkers. You do have self defense training yes?
That was a creepy but great movie. I saw it for the first time only a couple of years ago.
Be wary of the coffee man.
Blondie singing “One Way or Another” reminds me of an old girlfriend with stalker leanings.
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Blondie for certain, has a great stalker song in that one.
Wtf dose ripe for stalkers mean?
I’ve never seen Blue Velvet and I’m not sure I want to.
You make the potential stalking sound rather dreamlike as well…with Poe as your witness and all. ;)
I think of that old song by Hall and Oats – “Private Eyes”.
My parents would sing it to when they left us with a babysitter to go out for the evening, but that’s another story altogether.
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I think it’s a great film. Great enough for me to forgive him eraserhead.
Private eyes..good choice.
Haven’t discussed stalker songs at the dinner table recently but I’m putting it on my list.
Not to sound gay but Clay Aiken’s Invisible is a little bit of a stalker song and it’s only half bad.
And if we are going gay, how about Barry Manilow’s “I Can’t Smile Without You”. Total whiny stalker song.
Café con leche, the way to a woman’s heart. ;)
Seriously – get a gun.
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That’s a pretty nice stalker song. I’d never heard it until now.
I’d tell you I had a gun but then you’d wonder if I’d crossed the line from progressive democrat to something more sinister.
Sounds like a stalker, as these events are disseminated by you.
I don’t know if you remember citygurl, who was 1 of my regular readers years ago. She got rid of her blog because it turned out all of her old ex-boyfriends were using it to keep an eye on her.
A lot of women don’t like it when I point out that every man wants to have sex with them. I’m told I’m crude, shallow. As always I’m confused by this since I’m merely an observer, always open to debate.
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This is depressing.
Really? I thought it was all kind of funny in a sad kind of way. Perspective, I suppose.
Accepts, and moves on is how it seems to work.
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I think american women is a great anti stalker song.
Stalker songs in general are anything where someone can’t live without the other person…unrequited love songs are sometimes stalker songs – Costellos “I Want You” for instance .
Cooper anything that even half resembles tucker Carlson bears avoiding.
I love the riff….wasn’t that a protest song of some sort?
I think you’re original assumption to get out of the building was correct. Never doubt your natural instincts. Women seem to have a sixth sense about that sort of stuff. Better to be safe than sorry.
Sadly, I know what yoga pants are.
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“Sadly, I know what yoga pants are.”
Hopefully not because you are wearing them.
Well, no, not at the moment ; )
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The only stalker song that comes to mind at the moment is the old Vapors one-hit Turning Japanese.
“I asked the doctor to take your picture so I could look at you from inside as well”.
Watch your step with this guy and trust your instincts.
Interesting. I’d never thought of it like that before – as a stalker song I mean.
This was a wonderful post albeit on a very creepy subject. Loved this but it’s only one favorite phrase As Poe is my witness
I’m a Blue Velvet person. Also had Black & White night on VCR; bought it on DVD–and play it often. It’s one of the ways I judge people–oh we all do. People who appreciate the gold mine of talent on that appreciate much else, or so I think.
Stalker songs? i was stalked by a former live in lover who was a singer/song writer. So anything he wrote is a stalker song to me. Actually I associate all early 80′s music with stalking
It’s hard to relate to those who don’t find this a great movie.
Associating all 80′s music to stalking is so ..pia I can’t tell you.
yea I had a couple in my time luckily no one that I lived with.
I had to revisit this because it made me laugh.
“In your time”
cooper you are what? 24.
Pepper Spray, and always know what is going on around you. Be Aware. Find out exactly who this dude is and you make sure you make it known your suspicions…
Nicely crafted post, beautifully written. “As Poe is my witness” is a wonderful line, there are many, right down to the use of the Shwartz, poem line quote and the sentence preceding it. Can’t wait to use the term “inauspicious ambiance” in conversation.
I think you’re right about In Dreams.
Always thought that old peggy march song “I Will Follow Him” was rather stalky.
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I think you are right about that song. I looked it up – I picture a plump blond of the preppy persuasion in the latest Harpers Bazaar ensemble of the week, chasing down some not so interested bohemian…
Well done. Need I say more?
Stay safe.
I’d forgotten how wonderful the movie is, how damaged the characters. I liked your description of Ben.
there are some really stalkerish songs, but off the top pf my head the old pop “private eyes”.. “Unrequited Love” songs aren’t always stalkerish, but sometimes they are, especially for the subjects.
The Police’s “I Burn For You” is one of those.
I’m safe. I’m happy to have jogged your movie memory.
nice song.
“Possession” by Sarah McLachlan, if I’m not mistaken, was a song she wrote about her stalker using lines from letters he had written her. At any rate, it’s always stuck with me as an example of what it’s like to want a person so much as to want to own them in every sense of the word.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucdnm8iU-5c
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Indeed that is a great choice though it’s unfortunate she had to write it. Yes these unrequited love songs deserve a post all their own, one never knows whether to suffer heartache or heartburn.
Good to read you again after many years. You’re like a sardonic austen, supplanted in the 21st century. I hope you’re experiencing all the happiness you deserve :).
Life is good.
The Cognoscenti right?
Nice to hear form you Graham, what’s up?
Working hard in LA. Don’t have much time to blog, unfortunately. Your writing is spectacular :).
I always felt the song I Alone, by Live had a stalker vibe to it. Perhaps the guy is a stalker, or just a nervous young man who saw an opportunity to meet a pretty girl he has been admiring for awhile.
It’s too bad the stalkers have to ruin it for us shy guys.
interesting take on that Bathwater
yeah, too bad the bad stalker have to ruin it for the good stalkers…;)
I had a boyfriend who used to send me copies of “our song”….he’d send them in the mail, in the email and so on and so forth. Luckily he didn’t do it for more than a few weeks but it was scary.
Kind of a reverse stalker I’m paranoid song.
Somebody’s Watching Me, Rockwell/Michael Jackson.
Never saw Blue Velvet. I’m a chick flick girl.
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I forgot about that song, it’s a great song too.
There are no cuban coffee places that I’m aware of in my area, but I make cafe con leche at home all the time with an Aeropress and Cafe Bustelo. It’s pretty great
Stephen Colbert had his own contribution to the trope
Though I think my favorite is Paparrazi by Lady Gaga. The “acoustic” version moreso than the single.
That Colbert vid cracked me up. I love Gaga acoustic but yea that works.
It’s actually a Cuban sandwich place but they have cafe con leche like nothing I have tasted around here…it’s as good as anything in Miami.
Loved this, the polite dinner conversation reference…nice touch, As Poe is my witness….
Midnight Confession, and happy together, both stalker songs – listen to them.
Stay safe, lots of creeps around, lots of paranoia too.
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I’ve never though of those song that way but even the beat of Happy Together is ominous if you think about it.
Must be old home week.It’s been awhile.
Your writing is god awfully good.
Makes me want to sing “My Eyes Adored You”.
Now that is a stalker song. Franki Valli and The Four Seasons.
I have no stomach for David Lynch films, as good as they can be.
That is a good choice too. I’m beginning to realize life is a stalker, there are so many songs.
Nice to see you chairman, where you been? You’re blog closed down?
Hands down, the most stalker-y song I know is “Santa Claus is coming to town”
Come to think of it you’re right.
Some brilliant lines in this, Miss Cooper. For your sake, I hope there’s no sequel to this episode. Although if there was, I have an idea for a title: I Still Know You Are Wearing Yoga Pants.
As for stalker songs, the first one that pops into my head is “Obsession” by Animotion.
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I was thinking of you whIle reading about
Infinite doppelgänger potential in the New Scientist
Creepy! Make sure you carry protection and your camera. Snap some photos of him and don’t drink anything anyone gives you, as you might never be seen again. Really, my husband agrees with me and he is quite practical. Very Creepy! Take care and “Shields Up!”
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Shields up?
I haven’t been stalking you enough. Sounds like the yoga pants guy was trying to impress you / show you he was interested. Hopefully he is the kind who has enough sense to move on when he sees it is not the case.
As to “Every Breath You Take” – I don’t think any song comes closer on the stalkiness scale. It always had a creepy, obsessive feel to it. I’m sure if I thought hard enough, I could find another example.
That is why it is usually spoken of as the number 1 stalking song.
Inde, how are you? You are missed for sure. I hope all is well.